Cappuccino.

I hate cappuccinos.  With out a doubt: my least favorite drink to make.  Especially those effing 'bone dry' ones.

In case you're ignorant of the subtle nuances involved in caffeinated beverage options (as I was before I started working here), allow me to outline the basic coffee shop menu for ya:

1. Hot Drinks:
1. Espresso-based:
1. Espressos (shots of espresso alone, with foam, or with whip cream)
2. Americanos (espresso shots + hot water)
3. Lattes (espresso shots+steamed milk+flavor syrups of your choosing)
4. ***Cappuccinos (espresso shots + milk + a lot of foam)
1. 'Bone Dry' Cappuccinos (espresso shots + onlyyyy super thick foam - NO milk)
2. Coffee-based:
1. Drip-coffee with or without room for cream/sugar
3. Teas
2. Cold Drinks:
1. Espresso-based:
1. Espressos over ice (shots+ice)
2. Americanos (shots+cold water+ice)
3. Lattes (shots+cold milk+syrups+ice)
4. Cappuccinos (shots+cold milk+ice+foam)
2. Coffee-based:
1. Iced Coffee (with or without milk+sweetener)
3. Blended:
1. Frappuccinos (milk+coffee/or not+syrups+emulsifiers+ice+whip)
4. Teas
1. Tea (with or without lemonade+sweetener)

***If you'll refer back to the definition of 'cappuccino' in the above outline, you'll notice that this beverage contains espresso shots, mostly foam, and a little steamed milk.

In order to steam milk, you have to hold you metal pitcher of milk up to the steaming-wand; then, bring the pitcher down for a few seconds where just the surface of the milk and the wand meet so that the milk makes that distinct tearing sound, which is liquid 'aerating;' and then, bring the pitcher to rest on the ledge, with the wand just chillin' in the middle as it brings the milk up to temperature.

When you make a cappuccino, however, instead of bringing the pitcher to rest all nicely on the ledge while the wand finishes heating the milk, you have to hold the pitcher so that the wand just meets the surface of the milk for the entire time so that it creates a bunch of foam.

Those stinkin 'bone dry' cappuccino-orderers are always GIANT foam snobs, so the foam has to be super perfect and thick and NOT bubbly.  When the register passes over a cup with 'BONE DRY' written on it, I almost invariably get performance-anxiety and it takes like two pitchers of milk for me to get enough of that stupid dry foam.

Anywho.  This old Italian woman came into the shop today and ordered a small cappuccino. Blah. So I make it.  She comes back like 2 seconds later, shoves her drink in my face, and asks:

'Do you know how to make a cappuccino? This is half foam!!!'

'Ummm.........yes?' I respond cautiously...

'Cappuccinos don't have foam!'

'Wait...did you mean to order a latte, maybe?

'No. I want a cappuccino...NO FOAM!' 

Then she goes into this little rant on the Italian etymological roots of the word 'cappuccino.'  I tuned out for most of it, trying to figure out what this lady actually wanted, but I did gather that there was some sort of black cow imagery going on...who knows? After I got home, I did my own digging and found this website that explains the different Italian espresso beverages (as well as the etymology of the word 'cappuccino' - but found nothing suggesting that in Italy, cappuccinos have no foam...oh well.  If you order a cappuccino here at our shop, or at any other coffee shop in the States for that matter, you're askin for foam!)

In any case, I finally make her a small latte, which she proceeds to inform me had too much milk. 

In the end, I think that she wanted something in the vicinity of a wet espresso macchiato (the 'wet' part refers to the polar opposite of a 'dry' macchiato or cappuccino: shots + no foam - all steamed milk). 

Oh, Cappuccinos. Guh.